Freedom

"He forgives all my sins and heals my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle's!"

Psalm 103:3-5

Raise your hand if you've ever felt ashamed. Guilty. Unworthy. Chained.

I know this feeling well, as I'm surrounded by a world filled with seemingly perfect people. Whether it's the airbrushed model in an advertisement, the virtuous church member across the aisle, or the polished mother with a thriving blog and voluminous blowout, our culture presents insurmountable expectations for women to hurdle. What culture and society deems as "right" constantly changes, and by the time you've jammed yourself into a box of idealism, the standard has shifted. Imagine an acrobat striving to catch the high bar during a free-fall, failing every time, and you'll capture the condition of the human heart. Sometimes your fingers brush the cool metal, and sometimes you can't muster the courage to jump. Maybe you're so paralyzed with the fear of failure that you haven't even climbed up the platform, but remain on the ground frozen under the pressure of the fall.

This is not the life we were created for.

We were created to live under the privilege of our royal status as daughters of the King.

We were created to thrive in our natural gifting without measuring ourselves against a certain standard of creativity, beauty, value, or efficiency.

We were created to rejoice in our Father as He delights in us, His spotless and beautiful children.

In my devotional this morning, I discovered the perfect retaliation against culture's ludicrous expectations. As Paul is discussing laws and regulations regarding clean and unclean food, he asks a simple, defiant question that applies to so much more than dietary restrictions:

"For why should my freedom be limited by what someone else thinks?"

Can you say "hallelujah?"

The first churches to form after Christ's resurrection were struggling to balance cultural expectations with spiritual truths just as we are today. Today, pastors chase after culture so their church can stay relevant and trendy to high-maintenance millenials. Graphic designers create beautiful, Pinterest-worthy content to advertise Bible studies, sermon series, and worship events. Worship leaders have a definitive "look" based on the freshest lines at H&M and Pacsun. Keynote speakers walk the wobbly tightrope between building a fanbase and adhering to scripture, only to be persecuted when they go a step too far. The church today focuses so much on outward perfection that it can be easy to forget the purpose behind the polished printout. Following clothing trends is not a sin, agonizing over fonts and color schemes doesn't lead baby believers astray, and having thousands of followers on social media doesn't make you superficial. The risk of being culturally relevant is that endless striving and rebranding focuses less on faith, scripture, and grace and more on flashiness, tweeting, and screentime. When you look to Instagram or church attendance to validate you, you're ignoring the simple freedom of running with Christ. You're hovered over your computer when Jesus wants you to lay in the wildflowers. You're agonizing over the perfect morning devotional shot when the Holy Spirit is calling you to be humbly genuine. You're creating a Pinterest board of scriptures that you've never read with your own eyes in an actual Bible. Why do we succumb to the cultural pressure to compete and look a certain way when God designed us to thrive in our unique nature, barefoot and untamed? Why have we twisted Christian pillars to adhere to cultural norms?

Everyone's interpretation of freedom is different, but the freedom available to you and I as believers is clearly defined. To understand and shape your freedom in Christ, I thought it best to focus on the three principles of salvation: sola scriptura, sola gratia, and sola fide.

Sola scriptura, or by scripture alone, forms the essential moral code for Christianity. We must not check ourselves against our neighbor, a textbook, or a government, we must check ourselves against the Word of God alone. It is the only rulebook that never changes, never becomes outdated, and never fails. Live by His Word, and you'll find the life you were made for. 

Sola gratia, or by grace alone, counters any argument concerning salvation or righteousness. We are righteous by the grace of God alone. Our value in the Kingdom of Heaven is not determined by our goodness, virtue, service, or church hours. Our value in the Kingdom of Heaven is defined solely by the voluntary death of a perfect and blameless King, who walked through the same devastation and disappointment that every human does, yet escaped triumphant against sin. You cannot make yourself any more or less worthy of God's grace after accepting Christ as your savior. God is going to use you regardless of your track record or spiritual prowess. 

Sola fide, or by faith alone, is the key to the prior pillars of Christianity. Your faith in Christ alone unlocks the key to God's perfect, unending grace. Your faith in Christ alone opens your soul to the Holy Spirit, who uses scripture to lead you along the path of righteousness. Unless you believe that Christ is the Son of God, the divine and perfect King above all kings, you cannot walk in freedom. Faith is freedom. When you trust that God is who He says He is, every other truth in the Bible becomes your heart's cry. With faith, you trust that your value is found in Christ. With faith, you trust that your sin has been washed away by the blood of Jesus. With faith, you trust that nothing in this life compares to the joy found in Jesus. 

When you love God more than anything else, the shackles of society break. You cannot be bound by insecurity and comparison when your eyes are locked on Jesus. 

"So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves. The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!"

Galatians 5:16, 22-23

There is no limit to the fruit you can bear through the Holy Spirit. There is no limit to the blessing that God can pour out in your life. There is no limit to the reach of Christ's redemptive power. Whether you've failed to meet the expectations of man or the commandments of scripture, take heart in this: your freedom is unlimited in Christ. Don't allow yourself to be influenced by unbiblical culture or unrealistic expectations. Spend time with the Lord daily, and discover what He has to say about living righteously. Abide in Christ, and you will bear fruit. Your worth is not determined by your own efforts, and that alone is freeing. Your worth and freedom are based solely on Christ's sacrifice for you, and that is irreversible and unchangeable. 

I love Jess Connolly's monologue on Eve. Eve may have a nasty reputation for committing the first sin, but there was a time before the Fall. No one knows how long Eve ran wild around Eden before the serpent came along. In her work Wild and Free, Connolly defines the freedom that Eve experienced with God as living "in a very pure and wild state, secure in who she was and confident in her purpose... [her] identity and purpose are uncomplicated and unhindered by [her] own insecurity or need for acknowledgement." In the Garden, Adam and Eve had ONE rule: don't eat the fruit on this tree. God didn't hand out a list of commandments until the Israelites got unruly in Exodus. Jesus came and streamlined those commandments into one rule: love God, and love others. Paul spent the majority of the New Testament sorting out cultural law from spiritual law. This reveals that God doesn't desire for us to live under a set of laws and regulations, but to run wild and carefree under His banner of love. When you find yourself securely in God's love, you'll obey and please Him out of gratitude and worship, not out of obligation or social pressure. 

"Once you had no identity as a people; now you are God's people. Once you received no mercy; now you have received God's mercy"

1 Peter 2: 10

Friends, what's more freeing than that?

Forgiveness

Photo Credit: Wayfarer Photography

"Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes." 

1 John 2:9-11

This subject has been on my heart for the past several months. The Holy Spirit has been training me to fight bitterness and surrender my pain to God in this season of change, adjustment, and exhaustion. Preparing for marriage is no joke, y'all. As T and I ready ourselves for life's next adventure, the enemy is using every tactic he has to come against us. He is trying to steal, kill, and destroy God's most beautiful creation, marriage. Stress and busyness have tried to steal our joy and energy. Exhaustion and misunderstanding have tried to kill relationships. Bitterness and selfishness have tried to destroy T and I's relationship. Fortunately, God won't stand for any of it, and neither will we. Unfortunately, I've discovered a tendency for bitterness in my heart throughout this engagement. My gut reaction to conflict, aggression, and chaos is obsession. I obsess over what he/she said, I obsess over analyzing their intentions behind their words or expression or choice, and I obsess over protecting myself from letting them hurt me again. I set expectations for whoever has wounded me, falling victim to my hurt and allowing bitterness to bloom. 

They are always going to hurt me. 

They don't love/support me.

I can't trust them ever again.

I'm worthless in their eyes.

These thoughts build a wall against forgiveness, fortifying my bitter heart against Christ's redeeming love. When Jesus hung on the cross, naked and ashamed, He clothed himself in my pain and brokenness. He felt every moment of self-pity, every moment of shame, every moment of hate that I will ever experience. When He burst through the gates of Hell with fire in his eyes and the keys to death in his triumphant hand, He left the memory of every sin smoldering to ash behind him. My sins were the cause of Christ's death, but He shook off the burden of bitterness in favor of love. God has every reason to hold my sins against me, but he doesn't. He sees me in my pain and brokenness, and loves me without expecting anything in return. 

So if I'm supposed to be like Christ, how does my bitterness reflect His glory?

It doesn't.

Bitterness is a slap in the face to Christ's love. It is a direct disobedience to the greatest commandment: love God, and love others. There is no love in bitterness, there is no compassion in the unforgiven, there is no mercy in judgment. In fact, mercy triumphs over judgment. Therefore, when I obsess over the wounds I've been dealt by others and allow myself to steep in anger and self-righteousness, I build a wall against Christ's love. 

God revealed all of this to me a few weekends ago during a women's conference at my church. The conference's theme and title was Breakthrough, but I didn't believe that I really had any strongholds to break through. I didn't have a tragic childhood, I'd never had any mental disorders or health scares, and I didn't think I was currently struggling with anything that was holding me back from God. Isn't it sweet how God cares about us enough to take us down from our self-imposed pedestals before we fall off and hurt ourselves? 

As I was worshipping, I had a mama moment. Personally, God has called me to mother the orphaned and outcast, and to pursue motherhood above any career or ambition. This is going to sound crazy, but instead of getting goosebumps or visions when I'm having an intimate moment with the Spirit, I'll feel the weight of a child's hand in mine, or the sensation of holding a baby against my chest. These moments are rare, but they usually precede a major shift in my heart and life. They are also usually baptized in a torrent of tears and ugly sobs, because Jesus wept so why can't I? I started sobbing for the children God has given me and will give to me, sobbing for their suffering, sobbing for the darkness they walked through every day. Clear as day, the Holy Spirit spoke to me: everyone is suffering in their own way, where are your tears for those who have hurt you? How can I expect you to love my children if you can't forgive ______?

Me: What?

What do you mean "where are your tears for those who have hurt you?" Don't you realize that the people who have hurt me deserve my bitterness? They haven't earned my forgiveness. They're not poor, they don't wonder where their next meal will come from, they have every opportunity in the world! Why on earth would I have sympathy for their perfect, American, middle class lives?

Everyone is suffering in their own way.

But God, don't you remember how she belittled and embarrassed me? Don't you remember how he abandoned me and lied to me? Don't you remember how she jumped at the opportunity to criticize my every move? Don't you remember how he left me defenseless? How on earth can my heart possibly break for their suffering when they've caused so much of mine?

It is my job to judge. It is your job to love.

As I sat there, dumbfounded by revelation, I realized that God wanted to breakthrough the resentment I held against childhood bullies, past love interests, and hurt people who hurt people. I thought I was living in the light, but I had hate towards my brothers and sisters in Christ. Bitterness had blinded my eyes to the fact that these people had hurt me because they too, were broken; their struggles were interior rather than exterior. I long to bring restoration to orphans because their pain is obviously life threatening, it's exterior. But shouldn't I long to bring restoration to my peers, even if their pain isn't as noticeable? Maybe he had abandoned me because he had never been taught how to love. Maybe she had criticized and bullied me because she can't stand who she sees in the mirror. God began revealing the darkness that engulfed my aggressors' hearts, comparing it with the darkness that engulfs orphans and widows. God doesn't see brokenness on a circumstantial scale. He doesn't look at orphans any differently than he looks at businessmen. He sees all of us equally. He loves all of us equally, and that love casts out darkness. He's given us His love so we can love others, not so we can hoard it and hold it out of certain people's reach. Jesus died for those who afflicted him, not for those who had perfectly loved him. 

So if I'm supposed to be like Christ, how can I harbor resentment in my heart towards his broken children?

Trust

Photo Credit: Wayfarer Photography

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible." Hebrews 11:1-3

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:4

Preface: Firstly, excuse my looooooooong absence from this sweet place. It's so hard to prioritize time for one more thing on my list, but I'm determined to continue blogging in the midst of school, wedding planning, house hunting, and nannying!

My last blog recorded the first week of my summer, when I was on a mountaintop of sorts with the Lord. If I had continued to blog after each week of camp, you would have seen a roller coaster of emotions that can only be explained by the exponential growth I underwent at camp. Every exasperation, irritation, and celebration was necessary for my stubborn heart to believe one thing: trust God alone. When I had a sleep-deprived infant in one arm and a toddler who reeked of- well you can imagine- I needed to trust God to get those babies and I through the next ten minutes. When I had a middle schooler who accepted Jesus as her savior three days prior ask me a thousand questions about the Lord, I had to trust God to answer her questions through me. When I faced a week of leading middle school girls after seven weeks of being a camp counselor, I had to trust that God would handle my emotional, physical, and spiritual deprivation. In every weary moment this summer, I prayed for the Lord to refill and guide me- and His love never failed. I have loved people more deeply than I thought possible this summer, and it's solely because of the Lord. I can trust the Lord with my energy, emotions, and essentials.

Flash forward two months, and I'm an engaged transfer student with a full agenda every day of the week. On Sundays, I'm in church from 8:30-12:30, loving on 6th graders from 5-8, and in college group from 8:15-9:30. On Mondays I get to love on the CUTEST little baby boy as his nanny, and cook dinner/meal prep for the next day. On Tuesday, I'm in school all day, without even a lunch break to compose myself. Wednesdays are Bible study, nannying for a different precious little girl, cooking dinner, and youth all evening. Thursdays are school all day WITH a lunch break, hallelujah. Fridays are nannying all day and date nights, and Saturdays are recovery/family day. Needless to say, it's all to easy to get caught up in the pattern of living from day to day, rather than moment to moment. Finding time to plan my wedding seems laughable, and finding a place for Tim & I to live next year has been impossible. Not only is his schedule even busier than mine, but we are also college kids with student loans who have never had to worry about paying for insurance or monthly rent. Stress has been piling itself onto our shoulders as we're consumed with the major life transitions that are only nine months away. There isn't time in the day or money in our pockets to manage real-life adulthood.

But don't we worship a God who created time? Don't we pray to a God of miracles?

Living in faith is a scary, seemingly illogical thought. But um... isn't that the definition of faith? Believing in the unknown, unproved, intangible? It's so easy to get caught up in the American Dream ideal that you have to work yourself to the bones in order to live in this world. You have to make a certain amount of money each month, you have to fill your schedule to a certain point to be successful, and you have to rely solely on your own efforts because you're a young independent with something to prove.

Did the Israelites do anything to free themselves? Did they part the Red Sea with their own hands? Did they tear the wall of Jericho down brick by brick? Did Solomon become wise because he holed himself up in a library all day, everyday? Did the disciples cast out demons because they had a college degree in exorcism? Did Paul free himself from prison?

NO!

Each and every story in the Bible is a tale of God's strength, not human strength. Not a single one of our Biblical heroes could have performed the miracles their lives were marked by. The freedom, protection, guidance, and power that God's people experienced were completely in their Savior's hands. The sheer belief that God would provide for them was enough to set the captives free. But God isn't solely in the freedom business. He created our bodies and minds, and he knows exactly what we need to have the abundant life that He promises us. Who are we, mere mortals, to believe that the Creator of the universe doesn't have a plan for our lives that includes joy? Jesus promises us abundant life, life full of joy and love and peace and kindness and satisfaction in Him. If we walk with Jesus, he'll take care of our every need. His plan for us can't be changed because of our own inadequacies or weaknesses, his plan for us is unchangeable, just like his power and love. When you're feeling overwhelmed and all control is slipping through your fingers, recognize that the enemy is trying to steal your joy and destroy your faith, and pray. The Father longs to protect and provide for his children, all you have to do is let him.