Trust

Photo Credit: Wayfarer Photography

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible." Hebrews 11:1-3

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:4

Preface: Firstly, excuse my looooooooong absence from this sweet place. It's so hard to prioritize time for one more thing on my list, but I'm determined to continue blogging in the midst of school, wedding planning, house hunting, and nannying!

My last blog recorded the first week of my summer, when I was on a mountaintop of sorts with the Lord. If I had continued to blog after each week of camp, you would have seen a roller coaster of emotions that can only be explained by the exponential growth I underwent at camp. Every exasperation, irritation, and celebration was necessary for my stubborn heart to believe one thing: trust God alone. When I had a sleep-deprived infant in one arm and a toddler who reeked of- well you can imagine- I needed to trust God to get those babies and I through the next ten minutes. When I had a middle schooler who accepted Jesus as her savior three days prior ask me a thousand questions about the Lord, I had to trust God to answer her questions through me. When I faced a week of leading middle school girls after seven weeks of being a camp counselor, I had to trust that God would handle my emotional, physical, and spiritual deprivation. In every weary moment this summer, I prayed for the Lord to refill and guide me- and His love never failed. I have loved people more deeply than I thought possible this summer, and it's solely because of the Lord. I can trust the Lord with my energy, emotions, and essentials.

Flash forward two months, and I'm an engaged transfer student with a full agenda every day of the week. On Sundays, I'm in church from 8:30-12:30, loving on 6th graders from 5-8, and in college group from 8:15-9:30. On Mondays I get to love on the CUTEST little baby boy as his nanny, and cook dinner/meal prep for the next day. On Tuesday, I'm in school all day, without even a lunch break to compose myself. Wednesdays are Bible study, nannying for a different precious little girl, cooking dinner, and youth all evening. Thursdays are school all day WITH a lunch break, hallelujah. Fridays are nannying all day and date nights, and Saturdays are recovery/family day. Needless to say, it's all to easy to get caught up in the pattern of living from day to day, rather than moment to moment. Finding time to plan my wedding seems laughable, and finding a place for Tim & I to live next year has been impossible. Not only is his schedule even busier than mine, but we are also college kids with student loans who have never had to worry about paying for insurance or monthly rent. Stress has been piling itself onto our shoulders as we're consumed with the major life transitions that are only nine months away. There isn't time in the day or money in our pockets to manage real-life adulthood.

But don't we worship a God who created time? Don't we pray to a God of miracles?

Living in faith is a scary, seemingly illogical thought. But um... isn't that the definition of faith? Believing in the unknown, unproved, intangible? It's so easy to get caught up in the American Dream ideal that you have to work yourself to the bones in order to live in this world. You have to make a certain amount of money each month, you have to fill your schedule to a certain point to be successful, and you have to rely solely on your own efforts because you're a young independent with something to prove.

Did the Israelites do anything to free themselves? Did they part the Red Sea with their own hands? Did they tear the wall of Jericho down brick by brick? Did Solomon become wise because he holed himself up in a library all day, everyday? Did the disciples cast out demons because they had a college degree in exorcism? Did Paul free himself from prison?

NO!

Each and every story in the Bible is a tale of God's strength, not human strength. Not a single one of our Biblical heroes could have performed the miracles their lives were marked by. The freedom, protection, guidance, and power that God's people experienced were completely in their Savior's hands. The sheer belief that God would provide for them was enough to set the captives free. But God isn't solely in the freedom business. He created our bodies and minds, and he knows exactly what we need to have the abundant life that He promises us. Who are we, mere mortals, to believe that the Creator of the universe doesn't have a plan for our lives that includes joy? Jesus promises us abundant life, life full of joy and love and peace and kindness and satisfaction in Him. If we walk with Jesus, he'll take care of our every need. His plan for us can't be changed because of our own inadequacies or weaknesses, his plan for us is unchangeable, just like his power and love. When you're feeling overwhelmed and all control is slipping through your fingers, recognize that the enemy is trying to steal your joy and destroy your faith, and pray. The Father longs to protect and provide for his children, all you have to do is let him.

Week 1

"So obey the commands of the Lord your God by walking in his ways and fearing him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land of flowing streams and pools of water, with fountains and springs that gush out in the valleys and hills." -Deuteronomy 8:6

This week, I learned that the Lord teaches us the most through obedience. For the last seven days, I served as a camp counselor at a family camp in Tyler, Texas. As a counselor, I get to serve parents by taking care of their babes each morning and evening, which enables moms and dads to be husbands and wives for a few hours. The majority of young families at camp this last week had two or more children who were less than two years apart. Whether you're a parent or a teenager, surely you can imagine that these families came through the camp gates weary, downtrodden, and broken. Raising children is a challenge and blessing, but raising two preschoolers at once often presents more trials than triumphs. When you're constantly being pulled on, screamed at, or cried for, listening to your spouse or having alone time can seem like a pipe dream. Introduce: family camp.

Loving on these families has taught me the beautiful power of recklessly serving others. Every meal, parents walk into a dining hall filled with tables that are already set, plates that are already cooked and hot, and counselors that are more than happy to cut their children's plates and attend to their every need. Young families are able to talk to each other over a hot meal for the first time since their children were born, and no one has to worry about clean-up. During the day, parents get to be poured into through a speaker session and down time while their children are being taught the Gospel and mentored by Jesus-loving college students. Family camp is a place of healing for parents and children, and a place of service for college students. Despite the exhaustion of serving and providing for 40 families all day, everyday, I have never felt more filled with Christ than I did this last week at camp. As a counselor in the infant--pre-K ministry, I saw fathers pick up their toddlers with tears in their eyes, claiming that family camp had saved their marriage. Mothers came by to nurse their babies and encouraged and mentored my fellow counselors and I, each of us vulnerable and openhearted to the Lord's movement in the moment.
This spring, I was frustrated with my complacency towards God. I was reading my Bible somewhat regularly, attending church every Sunday, surrounded by incredible believers, and still felt leagues away from the Lord. I was ready for something deeper, but terrified of the unknown. Three years ago, the Lord broke my heart in worship to serve at this family camp that I've grown up attending. I wrote in the back of my Bible, "I have to work at family camp" as a reminder that despite what I would be leaving behind for two months, I had to apply to work at this camp, for some unknown reason. I was hesitant to leave my driveway and considered coming home at several points during training week, but serving as a family camp counselor has awoken my soul to God's faithfulness in obedience and His steadfast love. On Wednesday, I was attempting to spoon-feed a fussy 6-month old her first taste of solid food, mashed banana. All her life, this baby has only been nourished through her mother's nursing; needless to say, she hated the banana. For half an hour, I pleaded and begged this baby to accept the few spoonfuls of food she would need to be satisfied, but she rejected every teeny and tiny bite.
"Please eat this sweet baby, you need this yummy food to grow!" "I know what's best for you little baby, trust me."
Twenty minutes into feeding her, I realized that I treat the Father like this baby was treating me on a regular basis. How often does God call me to new seasons and leaps of faith, only for me to cry and resist? How often does God try to develop my brokenness into beauty, while I scream at the pain of exposing my sin and bitterness? Becoming a counselor meant that I would be leaving my hometown, friends, and the love of my life for two months, with only 24 hours of contact each weekend. I haven't hugged my mom, dad, or sister in nearly a month, and I won't see them until next week. I'm exhausted, losing my voice, and constantly attending to others' needs above my own.
THIS IS SCARY AND NEW!!!!! This is my mashed banana!
God has already moved mountains in my heart, strengthened my endurance, and filled me with immeasurable joy and love for each family that walks through our gates. I shudder at the selfish mindset I had before camp began, how I shirked serving others unless it put me in the spotlight. But Jesus has given me a new heart for others that never would have happened unless I let him nourish me with foreign experiences and lessons this last week. The Lord has led me into a good land of flowing love and pools of joy, that I'm free to dive into whenever my eyes shut tightly in prayer. God is merciful with our stubbornness, but He is quick to bless obedience. The lyrics to Multiply by the Desperation Band have been my heartbeat this week: "Take my life, multiply it. All that I am for your glory, all for your glory." I have one life to give, but giving it to the Lord's work can help bring healing to dozens of families this summer. How will you step out in obedience into the unknown? How will you let the Lord multiply your life for His glory?